Saying Goodbye To Tiz

Earlier this month my mom (known as "Tiz" to everyone who's ever known her) died in Charleston, SC; at the time of her death she had been living in a retirement community just outside the city near John's Island.

My three sisters and I had each had our very own, very intense relationship with her: Ruthie, the youngest (pictured here in the front on the left), was probably closest to her; of the four of us she has probably taken her death the hardest.

Tiz's relationship with Kathy (the brunette in the photo below) was arguably the most complex; it's impossible to describe their relationship easily. Photos of Tiz from her childhood and teen years look exactly like Kathy's early pictures, and they definitely shared many of the same personal qualities as well: a keen intelligence, a trenchant sense of humor, a fierce devotion to their family, a gift for style, and an intense beauty.

My own relationship with Tiz faltered in the 1970's while I was suffering from depression, but it picked up again -- at her insistence -- in the '80's. I have her to thank for putting me through massage school for two years in the '90's, thereby giving me an occupation I can enjoy until I die; and for begging me to seek help for my poor exhausted brain by getting on antidepressants. I like to think that she gave me life twice.

And I know: stripes with plaids is a major faux pas. What was I thinking?

Tiz and her children

I sometimes suspect that Alicia (the blonde behind Ruthie) emerged from a different set of parents. The week Tiz died Alicia could barely contain her glee. Some people have souls buried so deeply within them they'll never see the light of day; where Alicia's charred heart used to be there is now a black hole. Each of us in the family--and others outside it--has gently, patiently tried to steer her towards therapy--any therapy--and sanity, but she's content with madness. I never eliminated her from my life completely; but since Tiz's funeral, she's been circling the drain. It's really sad that the bright little girl in this photo would never know joy as an adult.

Tiz, you were great. No other mom could have had these same four wild children and survived. You made it look easy.